To my Dear Friend and Sister,
I am posting this on my Facebook wall so that other women can benefit from this advice. As you know I strongly recommended you immediately implement the No Contact rule as a radical solution to a miserable situation. I am proud that you have stuck to it for 2 weeks now! I know how difficult it is to maintain radio silence during the first 30 days because a relationship is like heroin – we become addicted. And yes, some use the NC rule as a form of playing hard to get in order to lure their ex back. However, now that you have given yourself 2 weeks to step back and re-evaluate, are you sure you want him back? Remember the 30 NC rule is to help YOU detox from that oxytocin addiction so you can think rationally again. Yes, it takes AT LEAST that long! Sometimes longer!
Now that you are starting to think a little more clearly, I am going to be brutally honest, and give you some fundamental reasons why you should stay the hell away from him for good. These red flags are clear signs that he will NEVER commit to you. I know it hurts, but the sooner you accept it and move on emotionally, the better off you will be. So here goes….
1. He is emotionally unavailable –
a. He likes you just enough to get his needs met, but not enough to meet your needs.
b. His words and his deeds do not match up. For instance, he professes his undying love for you, but when you have a bad day and need emotional support or you need help moving, or it’s New Year’s Eve or your birthday, he is nowhere to be found.
c. He confuses you by being super attentive and loving when he is with you, but only when HE wants to be with you and only on HIS terms. He keeps you close enough to keep you hopeful for a committed relationship, but far enough away, to keep you confused and off balance. This ambiguity plays with your emotions and keeps you in a state of infatuation.
2. All of your encounters (dates) are last minute. He seems incapable of making long term plans, even for something as simple as a date. He also shows little motivation to see you, even on his days off from work.
3. He hides information from you, like his work schedule, days off, or what he does on his days off from work.
4. You have been seeing him for 6 months and have never met his family or friends. This is a sure sign that he is not serious about a future with you. He is just passing the time and after dating for 6 months his long term plans do not include you.
5. He would rather stay home and “cuddle” (have sex) than take you out and be seen with you in public. When you do go out in public, he avoids PDA. He is only around for the ‘fun stuff’ and he does not have your back. He only spends time with you if there is a chance for physical intimacy.
6. His treatment of you is inferior to the way he treats others. He treats others with compassion and empathy, but when something happens to you, he grows distant and/or disappears.
7. When you talk about your relationship status, i.e., ‘boyfriend’, ‘girlfriend’, he says he doesn’t believe in titles.
8. He takes you for granted most of the time and only shows interest when you pull away. You shouldn’t have to play hard to get all the time just to get a man’s attention. You want a man, not a silly little boy.
9. He uses phrases that convey his unavailability such as:
a. You’re too good for me
b. I don’t want to hurt you
c. I am not ready for a relationship but I can’t stop thinking about you
When you hear these phrases, take him at his word, gtfo, and don’t look back. Also, when you see these red flags in the future, don’t bother wasting your precious time. None of us is getting any younger.